quitting social media: an experiment

At the start of January 2022, I decided to have a somewhat permanent break from social media.

I didn't announce it nor did I particularly plan it ahead of time - it was a combination of the lingering effects of some stressful events at the end of 2021 to top off what had not been a vintage year anyway; and despair at what felt like a maelstrom of anger and fear everywhere I looked online around the time of the omicron surge in Australia. For my mental health, I knew something needed to change.

I was also increasingly dissatisfied with how many hours I knew I was losing to basically what is the psyche's equivalent of the pokies.

Don’t get me wrong, I think there are some great aspects to social media. It’s not a bad thing in itself. But what many of us don’t appreciate is that the companies who own the platforms (Facebook/Meta/Zuckerverse, etc) designed them deliberately to be as addictive as possible. Therefore, trying to get some semblance of balance in your usage of social media is so much harder than you’d think.

So, I disappeared. Cold turkey.

Has anyone noticed? I have no idea! But what I have noticed is an incredible difference in my mental health, my stress levels, my equilibrium, my energy, and my creativity. It might be a combination of other changes I’ve made (more about those later) but I can’t recall ever feeling this clear-headed in my entire adult life.

Connection with others is what fuels me. And I value the connections I’ve made on social media over the years very much. But many of them have been taken offline - I now have two penpals who live in Melbourne, both of whom I follow on socials, but during the lockdowns we started writing letters to each other, which we’ve continued. As a result I know far more about what is really going on in their lives than what they choose to share publicly on their grids - and likewise they know far more about what’s really going on with me. That is real connection. That is what I want more of.

The video below (please forgive the portrait mode it was shot in, I know it should be landscape!) is a little stream-of-consciousness ramble I recorded three weeks into my break. Another month has passed since I recorded this and I still feel no real need to return. I am missing the connection and interaction with others but I know with a bit of effort this can be sourced elsewhere. And I think more and more people are catching on. Perhaps blogging is about to have a big renaissance.

Stay tuned. This is an interesting, and exciting, experiment. 

• VIDEO TRANSCRIPT

  Hello everyone! It’s the thirty-first of January, which means I have been off social media for three weeks today. And, as I've alluded to in previous videos, I've been so surprised by the fact that I haven't missed it at all.

  I feel calmer, I feel less panicked, I feel less anxiety, I don't feel as angry or tense or on edge. I don't feel like my attention or focus is compromised. I feel clearer in the head and more alert. I've been able to choose where my energy goes and that's incredibly empowering.

  I really thought that I had a handle on my social media habits. I really thought that I chose when I looked at these various platforms, that I chose the time of day or the period of time that I allowed myself to have a look but I really didn't appreciate how many hours each day I was clocking up, refreshing and losing time when there wasn't really anything new to see and, more to the point, there wasn't anything new for me to say or share! It was just very basic stuff that I'm not sure people are really all that interested in and it's not content I want to devote my precious time and creativity to. I want to use my creativity for my creative work and so to have this time back, this brain space back, feels like such a gift.

  And it was a gift I was able to give myself with basically no effort. All I had to do was make the decision. It's amazing what a transformation it has been.

  I didn't realise that the average social media user spends 2.5 hours a day on the various platforms – that’s 15-18 hours a week? That's a part time job! So when you think about it that way, that’s 15-18 hours a week that you could get a part time job, that you could use to learn an instrument, to train for a 10K, to write a novel, to build websites, to exercise, to start a garden, to spend time with your family - all of these things that we think we don't have the time to do, we actually do but it's making a choice to use your time consciously and to make conscious choices. That’s something that I have advocated publicly for a very long time, but it was always within the health and fitness context. I’m slowly appreciating that making conscious choices is something that effects every aspect of our lives - physical health, mental health, wellbeing, financial freedom, financial health, career, everything! We have far more choices than we think we do. We have more power than we think we do.

  I guess as I've gotten older, my life is just more and more about wanting to live in integrity and really wanting to live my values. Having had this little time out to figure out what those values are and articulate them for myself and know deep within what I want to stand for and how I want to spend my time and the difference I want to make…if everyone could have this kind of epiphany, I wonder what kind of world we’d live in.

  I'll leave it there for now. I don't know when I'm going to go back on these things. I don't know if I'll go back at all! We shall see. Thank you for listening.

Would you like to share your thoughts on this post with me? Please do - I’d love to hear from you!

chilli chickpea and sausage casserole

Chilli, chickpea and veggie sausage casserole

Originally adapted from Stylist in 2012
Serves 4-6


Olive oil
1 large onion or leek, finely sliced
3 garlic cloves, crushed (you can use as much garlic as you like, great for warding off colds!)
1 small chilli, finely chopped, or 3/4 teaspoon dried chilli flakes
2 boxes/packets of vegetarian/vegan sausages (12 in total) [I use Linda McCartney, they are the best veggie sausages ever]
2 teaspoons sweet smoked paprika
1 x 425g cans organic chickpeas
1 x 25g tin tomato puree
1 x 370g pouch chopped tomatoes
100ml wine (red or white)
250ml vegetable stock, plus more if needed
1 tablespoon balsamic vinegar
Salt and pepper
Fresh parsley, a handful, roughly chopped
Spinach, as much as you want, roughly chopped


Preheat the oven to 180 C/Gas Mark 4/375 F.

Meanwhile heat the olive oil in a large casserole pan (treat yourself to a Le Creuset if you haven't already) over medium high heat.  Add the onion, chilli and garlic, cook until softened and golden, then add the sausages.  They don't need to be browned like meat sausages, but just coated in all the oniony chilli oily goodness.  Cook for about a minute then add the drained chickpeas, paprika, tomato puree, wine, stock, vinegar and seasoning.  Mix well.

Cover and place in the oven for about 45 minutes.  Check and add more stock if it gets dry.

Stir in the parsley and spinach just before serving so the spinach wilts.

life lessons

Today I found a poem (well, I called it a poem - collection of thoughts might be more accurate!) I wrote when I was 27. I’m now 40, and I think the advice it contains has stood the test of time.

Me in Hyde Park, age 27. Photo taken by Tom, my then boyfriend, now husband of 11 years.

If it sounds too good to be true
it probably is.
Pick your friends wisely.
Never take happiness for granted.
Try to finish what you start.
Don't sneeze too loudly
in public.
Wear lipstick on Sundays.
Remember you don't have to fake it
when you're with the right person.
There is nothing that can stop you,
short of death.
Recycle.
Smell strawberries,
roses and clean hair
with equal delight.
Drink water.
Have more books than clothes.
Always offer.
Buy a good coat.
Say please.
Don't rent a flat when you can see
rat bait in the kitchen.
A good bolognaise needs red wine.
As does cheese.
Take a day off. Don't be afraid to ask
for what you want.
But don't do it just because you can.
Write only, and flamboyantly,
with a fountain pen.
Wear sunscreen.
Say thank you.
Smile at people on public transport.
You'll either brighten their day,
or confuse them.
Find some stars for your sky.

40 things i've learned about life, now i'm 40

1. If you don’t own it - your life, your past, your story - it will own you.

2. The messiest times in life are often, looking back, the most interesting and nearly always a source of growth. Hold your nerve, stay the course. Trust it will all work out.

3. A life filled with magic, adventure and fun does not just happen. You have to make the choice to cultivate those things in your life, every single day.

4. Playing small doesn’t serve you, only the people around you who want you to stay that way.

5. “See what happens” is not a cop-out, it’s a way of taking the pressure off. Letting things evolve naturally is a lesson in grace and patience.

6. You can't change anyone. People only change because they want to and there’s got to be something in it for them to do it.

7. We all have a choice in how we want to live - the trick is to make conscious choices rather than unconscious ones.

8. Tables always turn.

9. It is possible to be strong and fragile at the same time. Both are courageous.

10. Change is what it is. It’s all about how you negotiate it.

11. Anyone who believes gossip and lies about you before hearing your side of the story was already looking for a reason to be against you. Let them go.

12. Protect your mental health and inner peace by any means necessary. You never have to apologise for protecting yourself.

13. Old ways will rarely open new doors.

14. Perspective is everything (thank you Sandi Sieger).

15. Your passions are not accidents. They are the clues to where you will find meaning in life. Embrace them. Follow them.

16. Three things always come out - the sun, the moon, and the truth.

17. You have to go out on a limb in life, because that’s where the fruit is. Corny but true!

18. There are many universal needs that human beings have - one of them is to feel appreciated. Showing gratitude, for others and for life, as often as you can is an instant mood lifter.

19. Love will never feel like love unless you also love yourself.

20. Comparison is the quickest route to despair.

21. No is a complete sentence. And you can say it - just do it politely and fast.

22. Most people deserve a second chance. But no one deserves a third (see point 12).

23. Likes and follows are empty calories that never satisfy. Find what really feeds you instead.

24. There is no shinier, more successful, more likeable, more accomplished, more together you waiting in the future. You are only you, now. You are only ever here. Accepting that will make life so much easier, and sweeter.

25. Confidence doesn’t come from achievements, it comes when you decide to have it. Confidence is a choice.

26. So is self-pity.

27. You are the only one who can give yourself what you’re seeking from others.

28. When change comes, it’s likely that opportunity will also knock at the door. Keep an ear out.

29. Nothing is forever - pain or joy.

30. Boundaries will protect you, and allow you to love and give more freely. Without them, you will be constantly resentful and disappointed.

31. It’s amazing what can happen when you drop all your expectations and attachment to an outcome.

32. Continuing to choose joy in the face of adversity is an act of courage and resistance (thank you Holly Ringland).

33. Meanings of words change all the time. “Success” is probably the most mercurial. You do not have to hold yourself hostage to past definitions if they no longer serve you.

34. You can endure a lot more than you think you can.

35. If it makes you happy, it doesn’t have to make sense to anyone else.

36. Slow progress is still progress.

37. It is possible to one day laugh in places where you used to cry. Know that you can always change the story.

38. Failure and defeat are better judges of character than success.

39. Fighting ageing is a battle no one has ever won, and getting older is a privilege denied to so many. Look forwards, not backwards.

40. When in doubt, be bold, generous, loving and unafraid.

creamy curried parsnip soup with black rice

This soup has a lot of happy memories.

I used to make it a lot when Tom and I were newlyweds, in our tiny basement flat in Pimlico, when the air was freezing, autumn leaves were raked up in proud piles in the streets, it got dark at 3:30pm and parsnips were plentiful.  A £1 bag of them would make a vat of this soup and on dark late autumn and winter nights, we would cosy up on our dilapidated old couch and watch movies, pressing pause so we could return to the kitchen for another ladle. I discovered this soup thanks to Shaheen’s Allotment2Kitchen blog all those years ago but I, in true Phil style, made it my own by adding coconut cream and garam masala. Since moving back to Australia, I’ve adapted it further.

We used to make the soup with wild rice, which I never had a problem finding in supermarkets in the UK, but it doesn’t seem to be a thing here. However, black rice is available and it makes a lovely contrast with the fluoro yellow of the soup. You can just use brown rice if that’s all you can find, but black rice does seem to be widely available in Oz and I think it adds interest, contrast and extra health benefits, as well as being super filling!

Parsnips are a sweet root vegetable so the earthy notes of curry powder and turmeric are a perfect partner. You’ll note I’ve refrained from adding heat here – most unusual – but the natural sweetness of the parsnips combined with the spices and rice are so well balanced I feel that adding another flavour component would throw the whole thing off. But I am, as always, willing to be proven wrong.

Until the other night, I hadn’t made this soup for a very, very long time. I don’t see parsnips available in the shops here very often – another reason I’d like to grow them myself when we eventually have a home with space for a bigger vegetable patch – so it hadn’t been on my radar for a while. But then I saw some proud specimens in the grocers after work one night, and not at an exorbitant price (I do miss being able to buy a kilo of them for £1!), so I grabbed them, with the sudden thought that it might be nice to wander down memory lane and try this soup again.

Such a lot has happened these past ten-and-a-half years, but one spoonful of this warming, comforting soup last night and we were right back there in that little flat, with everything that hadn’t happened yet still to come.

creamy curried parsnip soup with black rice

1 ½ cups black rice (or wild rice, if you can find it. Brown will also do)

Olive oil
2 medium or 1 large brown onion, chopped
1 large garlic clove, crushed or finely chopped
4 large parsnips (approximately 1 kilogram), peeled and chopped
1 teaspoon turmeric
1 teaspoon garam masala
2 tablespoons curry powder (I use medium)
1 x 400ml can coconut cream
3 teaspoons vegetable or “chicken style” stock powder (I use Massel chicken style)
Enough boiling water to cover

 Place the black rice in a saucepan, add 2 cups water, cover and place on a high heat until it comes to the boil. Reduce to a simmer for approximately 30 minutes until the water is absorbed and the rice is tender. Turn off heat, place a tea towel over the top and replace the lid (I always do this with rice, it absorbs any extra moisture and makes it fluffy) to keep warm. Set aside.

 While the rice is cooking, make the soup.

 Put the kettle on to boil. Get a large stockpot out and drizzle a little olive oil on the base, then place on a low heat to heat up. Add the onion and garlic and fry for a few minutes until starting to soften. Add the parsnips, turmeric, garam masala and curry powder and cook for a couple of minutes, until fragrant but not turning brown. You can add water if it’s starting to stick.

Add the tin of coconut cream and stir to combine. I usually swirl out the can with boiling water and add that too, but be careful – boiling water makes cans very hot to touch! You can make up your stock separately in a jug with boiling water from the kettle but I usually don’t bother (don’t want the extra washing up!)  – I add the stock powder to the mixture in the pot and then top up with the boiling water so everything is covered and the stock powder has dissolved.

Either way, everything should now be in the stockpot (except for the rice) so stir well and bring the whole lot to the boil. Turn the heat down once it reaches boiling point, and simmer on a low heat for around 35 minutes, or until the parsnips are tender. My test is to see if they fall apart when pressed with the wooden spoon.

Puree the soup, either with a handheld blender (easiest, as you don’t really have to wait for it to cool down nor reheat it once pureed) or in a food processor, in which case you’ll need to wait for the mixture to cool before blending, and then heat up again before serving.

Taste for seasoning – I find the stock powder (albeit a reduced salt one) is salty enough, but a few turns of the pepper grinder finish it off nicely. To serve, place a large spoonful of black rice in the soup bowl, then ladle the hot silky-smooth parsnip soup on top. Place a sprinkling of black rice on the top to serve.

Ideally, eat in front of the TV on a freezing cold night – it’s guaranteed to make you feel all warm and cosy inside.