city of my heart

Warning, mammoth catch up post ahead. Grab a cup of tea. You’ll probably be hungry after reading it too!

A few weeks ago, Tom and I spent some time in Melbourne, a city that was home for a few years, quite a long time ago now (it feels recent, but it really wasn’t!). We had not been there since 2019 and at the height of the pandemic, while it was the world’s most locked down city, I wasn’t sure when or if we would ever get there again. It was a joyful reunion indeed.

I expected to find the city very different, given all it has endured over the past few years, but I was surprised to find it very much the same vibrant and inspiring place that I had loved so much, and that had loved me right back. There were some subtle changes, of course. I went looking for places that I slowly realised had probably been gone long before the pandemic!

But many old favourites remain, still standing, thriving even. Being back in Melbourne reminded me that, whatever might get thrown at us in life, and despite the scars it leaves, we can survive, endure, and emerge stronger.

There’s something to make you smile on almost every corner of the city. Perhaps it was because we were staying in the CBD (right in the centre of things) but it felt like everyone wanted to be out - dancing, laughing, seeing, seizing the day. We saw a hen party on Swanston Street one evening, on our way to a dear friend’s birthday party (one of the reasons for our visit), some 30 women in ponchos (it was raining!) laughing and dancing in a silent disco who suddenly all started singing in a joyful chorus, like birds at dawn. Everyone who saw them couldn’t help but grin.

On our balcony!

A friend messaged me while we were there - Tom had put a photo of the two of us on his social media, which she saw. She felt moved to email me and tell me that it was nice to see me looking happy. "There's an ease in your face that hasn't been there for a while," she wrote. That got me thinking.

One day, my friends, the truth about everything that has happened this year, and the years before it, will be told. But for now, Amanda Palmer said it brilliantly: “I try to accept and embrace my own thin skin in the face of yet another catastrophic blast to my psyche, trying to hang onto the mast of my own ship…I have found my power in shutting up…My power is only just beginning to emerge.” 

This trip to Melbourne with my wonderful husband, and the words of my dear kind friend who took the time to message me, reminded me of that. That I survived everything that was thrown at me while I lived there and clung to my dreams for dear life, and got to the other side. I returned, battle weary, but still hopeful, still striving. Full circle moment.

Having a change of scene was just what Tom and I needed too. We love Tasmania and both agreed, unprompted by the other, that we feel comfortable, safe and happy in Hobart, but I cannot deny what a tonic visiting the mainland is. It’s like we’re in a different, yet very familiar, country. Soaking up a different energy and vibe, I felt renewed and energised after what has felt like a long, cold winter.

Of all the places I’ve ever lived, Melbourne is the only city that felt like home immediately. It will be the city of my heart, always. And like all the true, long-standing friendships in my life, once we were reunited, it was as though we had never been apart.

So without further ado, let me catch you up on the Melbourne trip with the usual headings!

Favourite experience

I’m sure most of you will recognise this lady - she needs no introduction!

Speaking of friends, seeing them again was without a doubt the best part of the trip. What a joy it was to be reunited with these wonderful people (not all of them pictured!). We saw as many as we could, but alas illness, weather and simply not enough time got in the way of us seeing everyone. I’m so grateful for the time we did get though. And I am determined, once flight prices return to some modicum of reasonable (what is up with Hobart to Melbourne flights being nearly $1000 at the moment?!), to visit again really soon. My Melbourne friends are some of the most important people in my life. I felt so seen, so safe, so unconditionally supported in their company. I hadn’t realised how much I’d needed that. And I heard from my sisters and quite a few Hobart friends while we were away too, so the whole week was just a wonderful reminder of how many good people we have in our lives, people we don’t have to prove ourselves to, people we don’t need to convince that we’re worthy of their love - we already have it. Like I say, much needed.

Reading

I didn’t read much! I finished Shonda Rimes’ Year of Yes which I really enjoyed. Paid a visit to the Book Grocer on Bourke Street, of course (why oh why did Hobart lose Book City? I know, I know, I’m living in the past) where I found a few great vegan cookbooks. Have already made some recipes from them which I’ll share in my next weekly update, which will also be a mammoth read, just to warn you.

Eating and drinking

Unsurprisingly, I have a lot to share! Where do I begin…. I’m just going to tell you about all the places we loved!

My long time readers, especially those who have been reading since I was a resident of Melbourne, will not be surprised to learn that dumplings were a high priority. The priority, truth be told.

I googled “best vegan dumplings in Melbourne” and so we went to ShanDong MaMa where the vegan zucchini dumplings were indeed sublime. The only mistake I made was adding chilli oil - I had a throat infection and had thought, stupidly, that chilli might nuke the lingering bugs. No, it only resulted in a massive coughing fit which, unsurprisingly, prompted many worried stares!

I had been informed that my old favourite Shanghai Dumpling House had been a covid closure, but nevertheless I wanted to stroll down Tattersalls Lane for old times sake. Lo and behold, it was open! Shanghai Dumpling lives! We went for dinner a few nights later and it was delightful. Delicious, simple, filling, hot and tasty. I did not have any chilli, as tempted as I was. Has Shanghai been restored to its former glory as my favourite Melbourne dumpling place? Absolutely.

Union Kiosk was probably the discovery of the trip. Incredible coffee (OMG Melbourne coffee, how I had missed it!) and an all-vegan menu of delicious jaffles (in Tassie they are called toasties). Tom and I couldn’t believe our luck to have stumbled upon the place. It was so difficult to pick - we shared one on our first visit but soon realised that was a mistake. On subsequent visits we got one each! Seriously sensational. We sat at an outside table, eating the delicious sandwiches, sipping the glorious coffee, and gazed around in wonder and gratitude, pinching ourselves that we were there at all. I am still dreaming about those toasties. Number 6 was our favourite. And next time I’m there, assuming I’m not under the weather, I’ll be brave and try something spicy, maybe the kimchi gochugang one.

We walked to Abbotsford on the Sunday to have lunch with some friends of ours at the Caringbush Hotel, a wonderful pub with a fully vegetarian and vegan menu. Bliss! Again, glorious to have the entire menu to choose from rather than just one or two tired options. Tom’s “lamb” ragu with gnocchi was startlingly realistic. “Are you sure this isn’t meat?” he whispered to me more than once!

I went with a roasted cauliflower, salad and tahini yoghurt as I was feeling the effects of 48 hours of mostly toasties and dumplings. It was also magnificent. Our friends, who are not vegetarian, loved their mains too.

Every cake in the box below is both vegan and gluten free. I know, I couldn’t believe it either! This was dessert one lovely evening that we spent with our friends - old friends from London who moved back to Melbourne recently. There was so much to catch up on! The cakes were so good. I’m still thinking about them. I have forgotten the name of the place but I’ll check and edit the post accordingly…trust me, if you live nearby you’ll want to check it out.

EDIT: Tash saw this post and texted me the details! The amazing cakes were from Voila in Coburg North.

In terms of vegan burgers, we were spoiled for choice with Lord of the Fries and Grill’d, both of which I sorely wish were available in Hobart! Grill’d was particularly excellent value, with 2 for 1 Meatfree Mondays.

We were also in Melbourne for work, and after that very successful, satisfying and rather epic day, we took the tram out to Northcote to try Brother Bon, as highly recommended by Cindy and Michael of Here’s the Veg. Sidenote: if you are a vegan and visiting Melbourne (or Brisbane, they recently went there), check this blog out, it was endlessly helpful in deciding where to eat!

Brother Bon exceeded every expectation. We were exhausted, starving and utterly high on life after our wonderful day, and so probably over ordered but we were so hungry and it was all so delicious, we didn’t care! Everything on the very extensive menu is vegan - yes, we double checked as we were in such disbelief - and it was very hard to choose. We ended up having the tofu bites and dumplings to start, and then Tom went with the very generous “fish and chips” - battered banana blossom, not unlike what we had at Erpingham House in Norwich six months ago! - and I had a gorgeous wok-smoky noodle dish, char kway teow with “chicken” (six proteins to choose from). We walked halfway back to the city after that meal, it was much needed! Absolutely phenomenal.

Non-alcoholic Prosecco, and very good it was too.

Finally, a dear old favourite bar which I was delighted to reacquaint myself with, Naked for Satan on bustling Brunswick Street. I met a friend there, and it was a beautiful warm afternoon. I had some wonderful, unexpected news that afternoon and so my friend was the first person I told (sorry Tommy!). To sit on a rooftop gazing at the Melbourne skyline in a bustling bar with one of my best friends and toast a much-wanted success was very special. Utter bliss.

We didn’t get to Brunswick Aces, nor a few other places we were keen to try, but all the more reason to come back again soon!

Watching and listening

We went to a party where our friend, who is a DJ, got on the decks and played some bangers! Most of which I have added to my inner summer playlist. Shazam on the iPhone is awesome!

We also spent a day on a video and photo shoot for an amazing indie musician, whose new songs are truly beautiful and memorable. We’ve been editing that EPK for the last few weeks - Tom has really outdone himself this time! Her new album is dropping next year - stay tuned!

Wearing

All I can say is I’m so glad I took my winter coat - I wore it pretty much every day! Poor Tom was hoping to buy a new coat while we were there but we had no luck. No wonder he, sadly, caught my cold!

I also wore my new Converse Chuck 70 recycled canvas sneakers non-stop - I love that I can wear them with both dresses and jeans. They look very stylish and are so comfortable. The main criterion for any shoe I buy is - can I walk in them? One of the best purchases of the year, for sure. Super handy for a city break.

Quote of the trip

It would have been Sylvia Plath’s 90th birthday a few days before our trip. I have been reading a wonderful recent biography of her, as well as her collected Letters, and came across this. It sums up how I feel about the trip and about life right now. I take every chance I can to ground myself in the present, express gratitude and try not to take things and people for granted. However, the only word that doesn’t sit right with me is cling - because I am trying not to do that. Seize moments, be acutely aware of the preciousness of life and love, but not cling to anything, where possible. Very much a work in progress.

“Remember, remember, this is now, and now, and now. Life it, feel it, cling to it. I want to become acutely aware of all I’ve taken for granted.” - Sylvia Plath

It was an incredible trip, a much needed change of scene, and a week where Tom and I felt bathed in friendship, love and good energy. It’s been a tough year but we’re both really ready to cast off that heaviness and regain a sense of fun and promise, and to prioritise joy. I think that will be my mantra going into 2023…which can you believe is only a month or so away now?!

Lots more to tell you, which I promise will be soon. I hope you’re doing well xx

See you again soon, Melbourne!

Please note: this blog post has affiliate links with retailers such as Booktopia which means I may receive a commission for a sale that I refer, at no extra cost to you.

letters of our lives: to a lost friend

This is my first letter in the Letters of our Lives project. Isabel’s first letter is here.

My dear Nischa,

Thirteen years ago, we spent a glorious day gallivanting around Manhattan, sipping Cosmopolitans, flirting with handsome bartenders, lining up for Magnolia Bakery goodies, sitting on Carrie Bradshaw’s stoop together and then later on a bench in Central Park, swapping life stories, eating cupcakes and banana pudding. You had been reading my blog for years and your kind heart and warmth had oozed through every comment and, later, emails, where you shared your own stories with me. It turned out we were very similar. You too wanted to write, see the world and have adventures. You too were wanting to embrace life, find your confidence and shine.

That June day in 2007 was the first time we met in person, after a year or so of getting to know each other online (which was considered a dodgy thing back then!). Though I know I was technically a stranger, it never felt that way. It was as if we had known each other for a very long time.

The idea that 10 years later you would be gone would have struck both of us as ridiculous. Laughable. Unthinkable.

We would only see each other one more time in person after that day, though we of course kept in touch and it was a joy to witness your life take off from afar. Your gorgeous wedding pictures where your face shone with happiness. Your move out of NYC and back to Texas. Your career soaring, literally! In every photo, every message, you were so vibrant, gorgeous and happy.

I still can’t believe you’re gone.

As I started writing this, I logged into Facebook for the first time in months, just to quickly check your page. Just to make sure I hadn’t imagined it. I so hoped I had. Perhaps it had all been a horrible mistake and you were actually still alive and well in Texas with your husband, living your vibrant beautiful life as you so deserved to.

But no, I hadn’t imagined it and yet it still doesn’t feel real. It’s been nearly four years now.

I felt a bit of resistance when the theme was chosen for this letter - because I didn’t want to write a letter full of darkness to one of the friends I’ve lost in other ways (though they feel equally as final). So then I considered the friends (mercifully only a few) I have lost, as Virginia Woolf put it, to death rather than an inability to cross the street. Someone I truly have lost forever. And that too was something I resisted.

But you deserve to be remembered and celebrated. Not just because your time on this earth was so cruelly cut short but because you were a beautiful, brave woman with everything to live for, who inspires me still.

These are lovely pictures, aren’t they? Both of us so full of joyful energy and wide-eyed wonder, promise and excitement about our futures.

It was one of those days where I really had to pinch myself because everything felt like something out of a movie, or an episode of Sex and the City (which was appropriate because we did The Sex and The City Tour!)

I remember how we giggled like schoolgirls on that gold bus that was crammed full as it purred past landmarks and iconic locations that we recognised from the show. We suddenly had the intimacy of a decades-long friendship when the bus made one of its first stops and we found ourselves inside The Pleasure Chest looking at vibrators! I remember how much you laughed.

I remember how after the tour was over we sat in the summer sunshine on a bench in Central Park, spooning up that divinely decadent banana pudding from Magnolia Bakery that we’d queued for, so fudgy and creamy, barely speaking while we ate it with the reverence it deserved.

I remember how we had coupons for free drinks in “some obscure bar in Little Italy” (according to my journal) where we had bitter but perfectly drinkable espresso martinis. Over dinner, we talked about our lives, our secret fears, our big dreams, our future plans.

From what I could gather of your life after that day, you went from strength to strength.

You worked hard. You loved hard. You embraced life. You saw the world. It was hard to believe you were ever, even for a moment, afraid of anything.

The last time I heard from you was in 2016 when The Latte Years came out and you posted a lovely photo of you reading it, with a coffee. That meant the world to me. I’m so happy you got to read it.

I didn’t know you were ill. At that point, I don’t think you did either. I didn’t hear from you again. I would have reached out, had I known. I’m so very sorry.

The next time I saw your face in my Facebook feed, some time later, it was a tribute from a pilot you had flown with. The way it was worded, it sounded like maybe you had just left your job and moved on to something else. Curious, I went to your profile. And there was the news, that you were gone. Colon cancer. Age 37.

What a strange, cruel world this can be.

Your passing was a devastating reminder that all our lives are so fragile, able to be snatched away very quickly. However much we are loved. However much potential we have.

Thank you Nischa, for being a light in my life, and one of my true friends and supporters. I miss you. I hope you knew how much you meant to me.

Because of you, to cherish your memory, I try not to take anything for granted. I soak up, embrace and enjoy all the little things in life. I try to live as joyfully as I dare. I dance when I water my vegetable garden. I take every chance I can to do something that scares me. I try to tell the truth. I try to be as gracious and compassionate with others as you were. To always welcome strangers, as you welcomed me.

Grammarly is telling me my tone of this letter is joyful. How interesting. That’s exactly the word I’d use to describe you, my beautiful friend.

I hope I get to eat banana pudding in NYC again one day…. but it will never be the same without you.

All my love,

Phil xxx

Nischa Janssen
1979-2017

letters of our lives

I have some exciting news! For the rest of 2020, my friend and fellow writer Isabel Robinson and I will be collaborating on a project called Letters of our Lives.

Our Story

Phil and Iz met through the blogging community in 2015. Back then, Iz was studying in China and Phil was living and working in London. Both are writers – Phil published her memoir The Latte Years in 2016, the year after Iz began her first blog, Nanjing Nian chronicling her adventures in China. Internet tag followed; a blog comment here, an email there, and in 2017 Phil and Iz became proper penpals, writing long letters about their lives to one another from opposite ends of the world. Phil moved home to Hobart in 2018, and though only Bass Strait now divides them, the correspondence has continued.

They have met twice in person – that’s it!

Letters of our Lives is Phil and Iz’s first creative collaboration.

Our Project – Letters of our Lives

Inspired by the Women of Letters project begun by Marieke Hardy and Michaela McGuire in 2010 to ‘revive the lost art of correspondence’ and ‘showcase brilliant female minds’, Iz (here) and Phil (here) will write a letter each month on a shared theme for the rest of 2020.

Letters of our Lives is also the title of a novel Phil wrote when she was 14. The story followed the lives of two teenage girls, one living in country Tasmania and the other in chic, cosmopolitan Sydney. While that’s not their exact situation (and the story had a tragic ending!), they love the reference to childhood and the value of a carefully composed letter in a world of texts and tweets.

[sidenote from Phil: I found the original Letters of our LIves the other day! Here’s the hand-drawn title!]

These letters are a response to our lives, inner and outer, past, present and future.

We hope you enjoy our project.

If you’re a writer and would like to join in, we’d be open to it. Please contact either one of us via the contact forms on our blogs.

Yours in correspondence,

Iz and Phil x