catching up

Dear friends, how have you been? It feels like ages since I last wrote a post - last week was simply too much of a whirlwind to even contemplate it. And now, it’s Friday yet again, and it will be November before we know it.

The last fortnight has held a lot of work, a lot of running around, a lot of a-ha moments, and a lot of signs that I have probably been working too hard and need to take it easy. Therapy has shown me that busy-ness and work, much as I enjoy it, is also how I distract myself and keep at bay things I might not want to talk about or am not ready to process yet. It’s been that kind of year, and I’m sure it will continue that way until it’s out. Such is the way of things, I’ve learned.

As always I find my anchoring in writing, in music, in reading, in meditation, in nature and in the company of the people I love most. How deeply grateful I am to have all those things.

The main event is that we had a joyful celebration of Tom’s birthday, which was quite a change from his last two birthdays - in 2020 we could only have a limited number of people to the house, and last year we were completely locked down (an introvert’s dream birthday, you could say). So that’s leading on nicely to…

Favourite experience/s of the week

A quiet but fun-filled day celebrating Tom, where we did all his favourite things and had lovely visits and Facetimes with family and friends. We shared a cake with our niece and nephew who are heart-burstingly adorable. And we had a wonderful trip to Gold Class where we saw a great film, had champagne brought to us, and felt very spoiled indeed. You only turn 42 once, after all, and I’m glad my darling Tommy got to do it in style.

I also attended my friend Holly’s book event in Hobart - despite getting caught in a biblical downpour on the way there and therefore looking like I’d been for a swim in my clothes when I arrived, it was a wonderful, memorable and inspiring evening as expected!

Reading

I finished Lucy Caldwell’s excellent short story collection Intimacies - about young women trying to find their place in the world, navigating emigration, motherhood, nostalgia, loss, temptation. I really enjoyed it. It also inspired me to trawl through my hard drives and find short stories I wrote during my London years that I never quite finished, on very similar themes. I discovered Lucy Caldwell quite by accident and I’m so glad I did! She’s a great writer, deserving of as much praise as Sally Rooney, in my opinion.

I’m dipping in and out of Break the Internet by Olivia Yallop which is basically a deep dive into the world of influencers and the industry that has built up around them, particularly over the last seven or so years. I’m finding it both infuriating and fascinating! The internet, and the world, was a very different place when I started blogging in 2005. Back then it was hard to imagine anyone wanting to watch a video of someone unboxing something, let alone that you might get famous, amass millions of followers and a veritable fortune for doing so. Some children I used to babysit (who are now, naturally, in their twenties!) have done just that, which boggles my mind. It’s an interesting experience to read this book as someone who didn’t exactly have a non-existent online profile themselves back in the day, and to be torn between feeling like I dodged a bullet or missed the boat. On balance I think it was the former. Either way it’s a great read and showcases what a disturbing landscape has been created in terms of why and how people get famous these days. A perfect companion/antidote would be So You’ve Been Publicly Shamed by Jon Ronson, an excellent book I read a few years ago, which hammers home the very dark side of “going viral”.

Rereading Natalie Goldberg’s The True Secret of Writing - I started reading The Body Keeps the Score but found that a bit heavy for bedtime reading, so switched to something that would get me in my happy place! Natalie’s words always make me want to write. I should also reread Dani Shapiro’s Still Writing, one of my favourite books on the creative life.

I also finished reading a wonderful biography of Gwen Harwood and writing a review of it, which I’ll hopefully be able to share in a few weeks.

Creative Boom: Beat the industry’s seven deadly sins with these brilliant books - I want to read all of these!

Catapult: Trying to escape the trap of digital productivity by Richa Kaul Padte - oh boy, how I related to this! My own stepping away from social media at the start of the year was a spontaneous decision but in the nearly 10 months that have elapsed since then, I can see it was something that had been brewing in my subconscious for a very long time. Padte makes some really interesting points about social media turning your life into a performance even when you are consciously trying to subvert that idea:

Even when I am not posting a picture, when I have ideologically committed to not posting it, I am still producing it in my mind’s eye. This compulsive documentation of my surroundings isn’t for personal use; instead, it is vertically shot and artfully arranged for a grid I can’t seem to escape. It’s what the environmentalist Vandana Shiva terms elsewhere a “colonization of the mind,” which feels, in the digital era, inextricably linked with the logic of productivity.

To be honest, I can’t believe it’s been nearly a year. I deactivated Facebook quite some time before this year’s complete exodus, so it’s been even longer since I was on there in many meaningful way. It has profoundly changed my life and outlook. I have so much to say about it and I’ll do another update for you all soon. Thank you Richa Kaul Padte for throwing a log on my internal fire!

I finished Jarvis Cocker’s Good Pop Bad Pop which was as wonderful as I had anticipated. I wonder about doing a project of my own along similar lines - I have boxes and boxes of detritus from my childhood and early adulthood that my parents stored for me while I lived in the UK, and now naturally boxes of ephemera from my life in the UK too. Jarvis ponders in his book, as he is faced with an unwieldy pile of mess in his loft - why do we save things? Why do we collect things? What do these random piles of stuff we amass in the course of our lives and keep hidden away say about us and what we value? What sort of story do they tell about us and our lives? These are fascinating questions and I very much enjoyed Jarvis’s attempts to answer them.

And finally, I am listening to Toni Morrison’s Beloved on audiobook, read by the author herself, as I finish an embroidery project. It’s blowing my mind. Our Hidden Nerve session on Thursday (I can’t quite believe we only have one more to go) featured a few passages from it as an illustration of the presenter’s point about use of metaphor, how to create sensuousness in your writing without being obvious, and also how to write about anger. It was a really big penny-drop moment for me and I think it deserves a post all of its own, so stay tuned for that.

Listening to

On my morning runs, I’ve been doing something different and listening to affirmations over house music. Elroy Spoonface Powell (Chakra Blue) is my favourite. It’s a great change, and particularly good on days I feel a bit slow and lethargic. Running is a great mood lifter anyway but with these affirmations in my AirPods, it’s a complete endorphin-filled experience! Highly recommended. You can listen to Chakra Blue on Tidal (as I do) or Spotify.

Happy Place: The Craig David episode was brilliant. If you’re a recovering people pleaser, this will resonate.

Chill and Prosper with Denise Duffield-Thomas: I don’t know how this landed in my feed but I’m glad I discovered it. I listened to the episode where Denise talks about how to fix undercharging and overdelivering in business and I had quite a few a-ha moments! Worth a listen for all you freelancers out there!

I have recently made a playlist of favourite classical tracks and have recently rediscovered Brahms’ Serenades which were a favourite of mine as a teenager, which I played non-stop (but quietly) when I sat up late writing by candlelight like Jo March in Little Women. I love how music instantly transports you back to the time you associate with it, I could practically see my school bag in the corner.

Eating

I made Deliciously Ella’s spiced cauliflower and cashew pilaf traybake again (pictured) which was even nicer than the first time - probably because I added some chilli powder, haha! It’s a really easy and delicious meal, I thoroughly recommend trying it out.

An Italian-flavoured two lentil soup which I made a vat of - took a container round to my sister who has a newborn and an almost-three-year-old, and then we enjoyed the rest both as a soup with bread and then as a pasta sauce the next day when it had thickened overnight. Love a meal that does double duty!

Vegan chocolate cake for Tom’s birthday - which our niece pronounced “delicious”! - and vegan banana bread, just for something extra!

I made a rather divine creamy broccoli pasta with capers and aged cashew cheese, which we both loved. I think there was a sweet potato mac and cheese in there too.

Now I’m trying to meal plan for the next week and this is what I have in mind:

• Quinoa pad thai (a Rachel Ama recipe, from her second and latest book)

• Fennel and butter bean stew

• Veggie burgers

• Some sort of curry, most likely an Indian flavoured one because I bought a rather addictive mango pickle from Namaste Spices in Moonah and am glad of any excuse to eat it

• Chickpea and sausage casserole

• Most likely a pasta as well, which Tom has said on many occasions he could happily eat every day!

That’s all I’ve got so far! What’s on your meal plan?

Watching

Tom and I went to see Amsterdam for his birthday outing and we LOVED it. Never, ever believe the online reviews. I’m glad we didn’t! It’s quite something when a film set nearly 90 years ago manages to say a great deal about the present day.

Amsterdam is a complex murder mystery that unfolds alongside a poignant tale of love and friendship between three people who met and bonded on the battlefields of the First World War. Despite the horrors they witnessed and endured at the Front, Burt (Christian Bale), Harold (John David Washington) and Valerie (Margot Robbie) spend a happy period of living it up in post-war Amsterdam, and all return to America feeling hopeful and optimistic about the future. Nearly 15 years later, the three are drawn back together when their old army colonel dies suddenly. His daughter (Taylor Swift) believes he has been murdered and asks Burt and Harold, who have stayed in touch all this time and are still best friends, to investigate on the quiet. Unfortunately, the daughter’s hunch is correct and she too is bumped off before Burt and Harold can confirm her suspicions. There is then an extensive flashback to their time in the army and in Amsterdam, which give the viewer many clues as to how they’ve ended up in this situation. Back in 1930s New York, they find themselves unexpectedly reunited with Valerie and the three join forces once again to unearth the culprit and to also expose some dangerous right-wing underground activities that are brewing, some of which involve a few people they know.

Written and directed by David O.Russell, Amsterdam is a very clever and well-produced film full of dark humour but with also some very serious messages about the world we live in today: the prejudices that are still alive and well; how needless suffering is allowed to happen; how tolerance of dangerous rhetoric can have terrible consequences (the theme of turning a blind eye was brilliantly symbolised with the use of eyes in Valerie’s artwork and in Burt’s glass eye); the futility of war and greed; and that choosing love over hate is vital but not enough on its own. We also have to fight to protect kindness, which is usually the first casualty of power being pursued at all costs. “I’m very happy to be unimportant and live in a place that has love and beauty,” muses Valerie. “Art and love, that’s what makes life worth living.”

I have spent much of the last six years despairing over the state of politics in the Western world, as I imagine many of you have too. Living in the UK as Brexit rumbled and the Tories stripped the country’s integrity away piece by piece; sharing my American friends’ horror, grief and fear as Trump was voted in; too numb to cry as I watched the Australian election results in 2019 and we learned Morrison was staying where he was for the foreseeable. In each situation, I always wondered HOW?! How has this been allowed to happen?! I am no political scientist but I am a historian. And the great lesson of history is that people and nations rarely learn from it. Watching this film, two years on from the ousting of Trump, was a curious thing. I have listened to many podcasts and read many articles about the situation and conditions that were created in America that allowed him to rise to power in the first place, but it never crystallised more for me than in the watching of Amsterdam. All the clues are there, if you want to see them. It’s not about the 1930s, or the aftermath of the First World War. It’s about the world we have lived in for the past few decades, and where it all came from.

Honestly, I cannot recommend it enough. As does the birthday boy, who said “if they were releasing it on 4K Blu-Ray tomorrow, we’d be watching again tomorrow. I can’t wait to see it again!”

Wearing

I haven’t worn them yet but I finally bit the bullet and bought myself two pairs of new running tights, as the ones I bought in 2019 are starting to get holes in them! In fact most of my running gear is very old - I still have the Sweaty Betty capris I ran the London Marathon in (which also have holes, so I use those for gardening), Lorna Jane gear I’ve had since 2013, yoga pants I bought in Canada in 2007 (!), the list goes on. It’s all lasted pretty well considering how I practically live in workout gear. My friend Anita recommended Australian brand Abi + Joseph to me ages ago and this week they had a 70% off sale, so I was out of excuses! I’m excited to run in tights that have a pocket for my phone, instead of using my spi-belt that has never sat on my hips properly or wearing a jacket with zipped pockets, which just gets too hot this time of year. Will report back.

Quote of the week

Holly quoted this short poem by Mary Oliver at her event last Friday evening, and I’ve been thinking about it ever since. I think it sums up the human experience in general!

“We shake with joy, we shake with grief. What a time they have, these two housed as they are in the same body.” - Mary Oliver

If you’d like to share your thoughts on this post, or anything else, with me, please do! Have a happy and safe weekend xx

this week

Spring has come to Battery Point…

Another week has passed, a week in which I was braced for turbulence that never eventuated. Today I feel oddly fragile, like a bird with a sore wing. Nothing’s broken, maybe I’ve just flown into a window.

I’m writing this with the front door open (even though it’s cloudy in Hobart today it’s still warm) and a steaming cup of Bengal Spice tea on my desk, the smell of jasmine, lilac and wattle in the air, and the crow of the neighbourhood rooster echoing in the street.

Getting grounded, taking a moment to be here, now, in the moment - it always helps.

Favourite experience/s of the week

Lots of little moments of joy. Finishing a journal and starting a new one. A beautiful card and letter from a friend on the mainland. Two lovely morning runs with the smell of crushed gumnuts underfoot, a clear view of the mountain, a still river and wallabies watching me from the long grass. Another friend’s new book arriving, lying in bed with it, turning pages until well after midnight.

Reading

My friend Holly’s new book The Seven Skins of Esther Wilding - I’m trying my best to savour it and not succeeding, she’s written another page turner! I’ll say more once I’ve finished it but needless to say it’s sumptuous, sensory and poignant writing, as always, and I’m enjoying it very much.

My Tongue is My Own: A Life of Gwen Harwood by Ann-Marie Priest - I’m reading this to review for an academic journal and absolutely loving it. Thoroughly researched, lively and utterly riveting, I’m loving getting to know Gwen Harwood and the fascinating life she lived. Any good biography of a poet should send the engaged reader straight to the work and that’s exactly what this book has done for me - I’m now reading Harwood’s poetry alongside the biography, which is proving to be a fun, if slightly mind bending, experience!

Everything Feels Like The End of the World by Else Fitzgerald - I’ve started dipping into this short story collection which is described as “short speculative fiction exploring possible futures in an Australia not so different to our present day to one thousands of years into an unrecognisable future.” Certainly what I’ve read so far has felt very prescient! Full of fiery, flooding imagery, cities becoming unliveable. As I dipped into this earlier in the week we were told to brace ourselves for severe weather which ended up not reaching us down here…yet. Towns on the mainland already torn apart by flooding needing to prepare for more, and worse. So reading Fitzgerald’s stories felt odd alongside this, and everything else that has happened - it’s speculative but also very, very real. In many ways it almost reads like nostalgia for the world we live in now, because on some level we know it’s already been lost. Lots to ponder here.

GQ Magazine: 14 hours in the queue to see Queen Elizabeth’s coffin by Laurie Penny - would I have queued to see the Queen lying in state if I still lived in London? I really didn’t know, especially after reading this!

Paul Graham: Maker’s Schedule, Manager’s Schedule - an article from 2009 but still deeply relevant and relatable. It made me feel very seen. A must read for creatives!

Listening to

We Can Do Hard Things with Glenn Doyle: Hannah Gadsby, How to Communicate Better - always a pleasure to listen to Hannah who, as the whole world knows, is a very funny and deeply intelligent person.

How to Fail: Melanie Chisholm on mental health, self-worth and the Spice Girls - loved this revealing, tender and lively interview with Melanie, who comes across as someone very grounded and self-aware. I related to so much of what she had to say. Highly recommended!

Doing it Right with Pandora Sykes: a new to me podcast which I’m impressed with so far - her conversation with environmentalist and slow fashion advocate Venetia La Manna (one of my favourite Youtubers) was fantastic. Two articulate, passionate and well-informed women having an important conversation - it ticked all my boxes!

I’ve had Beethoven’s Pastoral symphony (his 6th symphony) playing while writing and working this week - in My Tongue is My Own, there is a lovely description of new mother Gwen in 1946 bringing her baby home from the hospital, back to their Fern Tree cottage, on the road to Hobart’s mountain kunanyi/Mt Wellington. She and her husband had just got a radio and Beethoven’s Pastoral was what came on as Gwen walked out on to the balcony, baby in her arms, as the snow began to fall. '“It was too much: that marvellous Movement…the snow falling, the great tall gum trees and to hold my own child. Every time I hear that great flowing theme, I am back there with the child, in the snow.” (88).

Eating

My favourite spinach, risoni and lemon soup - with loads of dill! Absolutely delicious as always.

Our favourite brunch, the Full Vegan, was enjoyed after a big 10km walk on the weekend. I haven’t seen our favourite sausages in the shops for a while but we make do with the hash browns, avocado, mushrooms and beans!

We had a Sunday roast with some wellingtons I’d made from the vegan sausage roll mixture and frozen the weekend before. After a bedtime flick through Nigel Slater’s Kitchen Diaries, I was craving roast potatoes, crispy and golden, their edges made translucent with (vegan) butter. Utterly delicious!

We also had the usual tofu noodle stir fry, dhal from the freezer, and more mind-blowing nachos which are such a treat. I also made a broccoli pasta with miso, vegan cream and capers which was quite sensational.

Watching

We finished The Newsreader on ABC iview which was absolutely wonderful - I cannot recommend it more highly. Smart writing, great acting and an utterly compelling story. If you loved Morning Wars (The Morning Show), I think this is even better.

I caught up with a few of my favourite Youtubers while also catching up on my sewing - I’m making a gift for a friend who I’m going to see in a few weeks so wanted to get that almost finished. I really enjoy sewing while catching up with Katie, Miranda, Venetia, Helen and Phoebe. In Katie’s case, I do know her - we met at an Arvon Foundation event well over ten years ago now and stayed in intermittent touch for a few years. I didn’t realise she had a Youtube channel, and so watching a few episodes on her channel I felt like I’d spent the afternoon sewing and catching up with an old friend, which was really nice! Who are your favourites? Anyone I should be checking out?

Grateful for

Tom. Every time I am lost, he is the map that helps me get home.

Quote of the week

Not attributed to anyone in particular, just something I wrote in the last pages of the journal book I’ve just finished that felt pertinent this week. I think I read somewhere that everything that happens to you, you have a choice - whether you let it open you up, or close you down. This is my reminder to stay open. May it be yours too, if you need it.

Be open, not closed.

If you’d like to share your thoughts on this post, or anything else, with me, please do! Have a happy weekend and I’ll see you next week xx

this (last) week

Winter greens still going strong…

As I’m writing this on a Monday, it should be called Last Week! I’ve settled for the title above, as you see. I hope to get back to my regularly scheduled posting soon. Things have been a little crazy but I’m not complaining.

We’re currently waiting for a new nephew to be born - today is his due date - and very excited at the prospect of baby cuddles again! Wriggly toddler cuddles are, of course, great too but there’s something so special about cradling a brand new human in your arms. Expect that to be my “favourite experience of the week” in an upcoming post!

Favourite experience/s of the week

Finding out I was successful in my application for a 2023 Residential Fellowship at the Katharine Susannah Prichard Centre in Western Australia! Next year I’ll be working on my novel there for two weeks. To say I’m EXCITED and THRILLED and HONOURED would be an understatement!! More details to come on this soon.

A quieter but no less gratifying achievement was looking back through my journal volume before last - written in April sometime, I think - and seeing a list of four things I wanted to do this year, in terms of my writing, career and PhD progress. As of yesterday, I’ve done all four. I’m very, very chuffed. I’ll write more about this at some point because there have been some pretty seismic shifts for me of late, but all four goals were only to do with my output. There weren’t to do with anything happening beyond putting my hat in the ring, or reaching a certain milestone. Surprise surprise, these things are achievable with enough discipline. And achieving them has given me confidence to set my sights higher.

And, far out, the lifestyle gurus and self-made millionaires might be on to something - writing your goals down is pretty bloody powerful.

Reading

Run Towards the Danger: Confrontations with a Body of Memory by Sarah Polley - I read this at Tom’s insistence, as he thought I would get a great deal out of it. What can I say, he knows me!

I only knew Sarah Polley from her work on the Ramona TV series I watched and enjoyed as a child. I remember wanting to be an actor myself quite desperately as a child and lamenting that we lived in a part of the country where as far as I was aware there was no, or rarely any, call for child actors. I would read about stars of TV shows I watched avidly, children my age or a bit older, and about how the entire family was moved to Sydney or Melbourne for their career. I occasionally wondered why my parents hadn’t done the same - I had, after all, wowed audiences with my performance in The Emperor’s New Clothes. Having read Sarah Polley’s memoir, I am so deeply grateful my parents just let me be a kid and perform at school or in the backyard with my sisters!

Polley’s experiences are quite heartbreaking to read - how she was exploited and vulnerable for most of her early career, pushed to her physical limits, struggling with the tragic death of her mother when she was only 11, and how most of the adults around her, including directors, producers and her own parents, failed to protect her from, as she puts it, an industry that was built on exploitation. She writes with such fierce intelligence, and with the benefit of both hindsight and now being a parent herself, about these difficult years and experiences, creating a dialogue between the past and the present:

These are the most dangerous stories of my life. The ones I have avoided, the ones I haven't told, the ones that have kept me awake on countless nights. As these stories found echoes in my adult life, and then went another, better way than they did in childhood, they became lighter and easier to carry.

I think that’s what I found so admirable about the book - that Polley unpacks these painful “dangerous” stories in the present, advocating for her younger self and giving her the voice she didn’t have at the time. Polley doesn’t vilify (all of) the people who should have known better or protected her; she even questions and acknowledges the fallibility of her own memory at times. A side effect of trauma, after all, is selective memory as a form of self protection. But it is in the aftermath of a serious concussion that Polley, as she struggles to recover, is urged not to lie in dark rooms and succumb to her symptoms. Rather, in order to recover, she needed to “run towards the danger”. She would only regain strength by pushing through and doing things that were painful. It worked, and so Polley applied the same philosophy to other traumas in her life. The result is a beautifully written, moving meditation on memory, resilience, vulnerability, strength, and coming to terms with painful things. Highly recommended!

I also finished an ARC of Free to Go: Across the World on a Motorbike by Esa Aldegheri, which is out in the UK now and is being published in Australia in November. It’s a very cleverly written travel memoir that, a bit like Sarah Polley’s book, sets up a dialogue between the past and present. Trapped in lockdown in Scotland in 2020, Aldegheri finds herself homeschooling three children and lamenting her lost freedom, not just related to the pandemic but due to Brexit and the rising xenophobia associated with it. She remembers a wild, freeing adventure she and her now husband took some years earlier, riding a motorbike from Italy to New Zealand - a motorbike she was the primary rider of. Aldegheri ponders the idea that women are expected to ride in the sidecar of a motorbike (referred to as riding pillion) as well as in the sidecar of life; their desires and dreams often being secondary, especially once motherhood enters the equation. The book switches back and forth from the exhilaration of the open road, travelling through remote Central Asia, India, China and then Australia; to the mundane, stultifying reality of pandemic living. Though, Aldegheri wonders, how free was she in the first place - as a woman, a mother, a European who has made her life in a country that has left the European Union? Even on her incredible adventure, before marriage and children, there were still constraints and borders that were hard to cross. How do you navigate the world, literally and metaphorically, as a free-spirited woman? As you can imagine, I related hard to a lot of Aldegheri’s observations!

Listening to

The usual writing playlists - I have grown particularly attached to an old Nils Frahm favourite, Corn. I vividly remember standing on a platform at Moorgate station back in the day, waiting for a delayed train, and having it on repeat. I couldn’t find it on streaming for years and was delighted to rediscover it a few weeks ago.

I am also halfway through this amazing episode of Between the Covers: there is honestly so much to unpack here. I have long been a fan of “The Hero’s Journey” both as a narrative device and as a spiritual philosophy, but I had never appreciated how rooted in colonialism (and conquering) it is. This is a fascinating conversation and I am excited to write more of my thoughts about the “Carrier Bag Theory of Fiction” because I think it definitely applies to the novel I’m writing at the moment.

Favourite Friday Night Fodder!

Eating

I’ve got to start taking pictures of every meal again - it’s a very reliable memory jog!

Monday: Chilli made with black beans, kidney beans, leftover mushroom and walnut ragu and leftover homemade salsa, served with brown rice, coconut yoghurt and pickled jalapeños

Tuesday: Pasta with sunflower seed pesto

Wednesday: Roasted tofu, carrot and pumpkin with satay sauce and rice

Thursday: Both of us worked late, so it was DUMPLINGS (ready in 10 minutes)

Friday: Beetroot quinoa burgers (I loosely used a Deliciously Ella recipe - I subbed the quinoa for leftover brown rice) and homemade vegan mayo with fresh basil - OMG both were amazing! The mayo is keeping well.

Saturday: Sweet potato mac and cheese

Sunday: Leftover sweet potato Mac and cheese, turned into a bake (with breadcrumbs and cheese on top), with cavolo nero on the side

I made a delicious homemade dipping sauce for the dumplings on Thursday based on the OTK bang bang noodles sauce recipe, which is equal parts tahini, soy sauce, rice wine vinegar and a splash of maple syrup. There was plenty leftover so we’ll use that for a stir fry noodle dish this week.

I also made Deliciously Ella’s nut butter chocolate chip cookies - well, my version thereof! Added a few extra bits and pieces, and they were divine. We had no self control around them, the whole batch was gone by Saturday!

Watching

Thor: Love and Thunder (4K Blu Ray) - I’ve never been disappointed by a Taika Waititi film (or by anything involving him, his TED talk is hilarious!) and this one was no exception. You know you’re in for a wacky, laughter-filled ride. Thor Ragnarok is one of our favourite Marvels, and we wondered how on earth Taika would top that - the answer is with Thor (Chris Hemsworth) seeking inner peace; his ex Jane (Natalie Portman) coming back into his life in a very powerful form but hiding a painful secret of her own; a disappointing meeting with Zeus (Russell Crowe), “never meet your heroes",” Thor laments afterwards; a terrifying villain in Gorr the God Butcher (Christian Bale) whom you manage to feel a little empathy for; and some screaming goats who made Tom and I lose it every time they appeared. The soundtrack is awesome - it’s basically 80s and 90s rock, dominated by Guns N Roses - and it just manages to be both funny and moving at the same time, like most of Taika Waititi’s work. There’s some wonderful symbolism, I thought, about children being at the mercy of adults when it comes to real crises that are going to affect them in the future (climate change, for example) and it also sets up a sequel that has the potential to be equally hilarious!

Best Sellers (iTunes) - Tom and I synced up our in-flight TVs so we could watch this together on the plane to London four months ago, and we really enjoyed it, so we were keen to give it another watch in the comfort of our own home and without the need for subtitles! It was wonderful to see it again and absorb its quiet brilliance and admire the direction and acting. Ambitious young editor Lucy Standbridge (Aubrey Plaza) has inherited her father's publishing house, and things are not going well. Every book she publishes is universally panned by critics and book-tubers and the publishing house is on its last legs financially. She discovers she is owed a book by Harris Shaw (Michael Caine), an utterly cantankerous, alcoholic, reclusive author who originally put the company on the map decades earlier but hasn’t published a book (or been seen) since. Desperate to save the company, Lucy insists Harris honour his contract and release a new book; she makes no edits on the proviso that he comes with her on what turns out to be the book tour from hell. Very funny and touching, and genuinely surprising in places, I enjoy any movie about a writer, even a washed-up, booze-addled old curmudgeon like Harris, who is played brilliantly by Michael Caine.

The original blog banner from 2005…..

Grateful for

I just realised as I was writing that on this day in 2005 (SEVENTEEN years ago?!) that I published my first ever blog post. Seventeen years. I had only been alive for a bit longer than that at the time!

What seemed like a very small thing ended up being one of the most momentous things I’ve ever done. It changed the course of my life. Who knows where I would be right now without it. I am very grateful for that, and for everyone who has read and continued to read my work over the years, who continues to offer support and encouragement to this day. It is so very special to still hear from people who have been reading since the very beginning. You know who you are. I am so, so humbled that you’re still here. Thank you, from the bottom of my heart.

Admittedly, I have had moments over the years where I deeply regretted starting that blog too - moments where I felt overexposed and attacked, frightened and vulnerable; when that world was very new and not very many people could relate to or understand some of the things I had to deal with. I’ve also sometimes wished that I had known how dangerous it can be to start a narrative about your body in public. But, as Sarah Polley said in an interview about her book, I’m very happy with my life as it is right now so it’s hard to feel regret about anything in the past. It’s also hard to regret the decision when, as I mentioned above, I still hear from lovely people all over the world who are still on the journey with me, people who have been some of my most generous friends and cheerleaders over the years. The good has far outweighed the not so good. There are things I’d do differently, with the benefit of hindsight, of course. But no regrets. Only gratitude.

Quote of the week

“You cannot use someone else’s fire: you can only use your own.” - Audre Lorde. The quote continues: “in order to do that, you must first be willing to believe you have it.”

If you’d like to share your thoughts on this post, or anything else, with me, please do! I hope you find things to savour and ponder and that give you joy this coming week xx

this week and last week

Has spring sprung? It’s still pretty bloody cold down here…

What can I say, things have been a bit crazy! Here we go…

Favourite experience/s of the past two weeks

It would have to be our 12th wedding anniversary, which was on the first day of September, and which, predictably, was freezing and a washout (we didn’t think when we got married in the UK’s late summer that one day we might move back to Australia!) so our plans for a romantic day out in the open air were shelved for another time. We stayed close to home instead - we had lunch out at a nice place that was only a short walk away and then went to the movies! The rain had finally stopped as we walked home at dusk, hand in hand, bundled up in our winter coats. Tom also surprised me with a bouquet of flowers the size of a small child, which were stunning and has lasted the best part of two weeks!

Last week was also the anniversary of our first date so Tom and I have also now been together for 15 years, over a third of our lives, which I find staggering in many respects. We’re still finding new things to get excited about, new adventures to plan, and we never tire of hearing each other’s stories or run out of things to say. It shouldn’t surprise me, but it does. Perhaps it’s because of everything I went through before I met him, but I never take having a happy, solid marriage for granted. Even through the harder, darker times we’ve faced as a couple - things I know previous relationships would have well and truly crumbled under the pressure of - we are still standing and, despite everything this strange and relentless year has thrown at us, we are actually happier than ever. He truly is the best thing that ever happened to me. I’ve felt very lucky these past few weeks.

Reading

The last week of August/first week of September was all about getting my first draft to my supervisors so if I read anything that week, it was just my own words, over and over, wondering how I might ever entice some magic out of the mess that a first draft invariably is. But my primary supervisor kindly texted me a few days later saying she’d read it already (!) and enjoyed it, so I have been breathing a little easier since then!

But I finished Dessa’s book which I mentioned in the last this week, and I also started at Tom’s recommendation (insistence!) Run Towards the Danger: Confrontations with a Body of Memory by Sarah Polley. Tom bought this book because of the Baron Munchausen film connection (which he loved as a child) but ended up being very moved it and thinks I will enjoy it, so I’ll report back!

I also read my friend Fiona’s debut cookbook From Scratch which was absolutely wonderful, just as I had anticipated. If you want to learn how to make some pantry staples from scratch that not only work out cheaper but better for you to boot, this is the book you need. Whether it’s yoghurt, peanut butter or rice crackers, you’ll find a simple and yummy-sounding recipe in here. I also loved reading some of my favourites of Fiona’s stories she shared back in the ye olde blogging days!

And of course we had the sad news of the Queen’s death last Thursday - I have found myself on the Guardian website more often over the past few days than in many previous weeks combined! I found this piece by Jeanette Winterson and this one by Nesrine Malik the standouts of everything I’ve read. Quite different opinions, but I agree with both of them. Charles III has previously shown himself to be an ally of the climate and committed to diversity. Now he is King I really hope he continues to be so.

Listening to

How to Fail: Jarvis Cocker, whose book I am also currently reading. Always a pleasure to hear Jarvis and his invariably funny and thoughtful musings. And yes, I am on a first name basis with him because we once spoke at a Foyles event some years ago, haha! I particularly appreciated what he had to say about being vulnerable in your creative work, as I had just sent my supervisors my first draft and was quietly terrified:

[to be creative]…you have to be vulnerable and also open to making a fool of yourself. You have to feel like you’re walking on a tightrope and you could fall off and it will all be a disaster. But that’s what you have to do otherwise what you’re writing about, singing about, making films about, painting…it isn’t going to mean anything. It’s got to mean something to you first for it then to mean something to another…I think there’s a Leonard Cohen quote that says ‘anyone can show a scar, but it takes courage to show a pimple.’

That made me feel a lot better. Author Andrea Eames, who I interviewed for my own podcast nearly 10 years ago now, also said something similar in my interview with her, which I’ve borne in mind over the last few intense months of writing and in the queasy moments that followed pressing “send” on the draft:

I felt like I was free-falling…and I sort of feel like you have to feel like that when you're writing. If you don't feel terrified of what you're doing, it’s probably not very good. I think you sort of need to be uncomfortable and off your guard and vulnerable to write anything worthwhile.

I have to keep reminding myself that books are slippery things - they often won’t be what you thought or hoped they would be - and that no one will give me permission to write this book. Confidence is something I have to choose, and I also have to hold my nerve, every step of the way. What an education this is proving to be!

Best Friend Therapy: Transactional analysis therapy - another fascinating episode, which explored the role of our various internal voices and how we can find our way to a nurturing and calm adult way of seeing things.

Picking

I took advantage of a warm day when I wasn’t feeling too under the weather (I caught a cough off my sister - but it was not covid!) to tidy up the garden, dig in some compost and mulch with seaweed which Dad brought round. I picked some very healthy looking nettles which were growing wild in the garden, and a random carrot which I don’t remember planting! The celery and rainbow chard continue to produce well. I haven’t had to buy celery all year thanks to my amazing plants! The leaves are also a great substitute for parsley too (which hasn’t grown very well for me - maybe I don’t wear the trousers in this house after all! [that’s an old wives tale]).

Eating

We had lunch outside at the start of the week, for the first time since April, but it’s been freezing pretty much every day since! Typical mercurial spring weather!

I made some rather lovely nettle soup from the nettles (pictured) which had an almost broccoli taste, which was really delicious.

Other yummy things I’ve made over the past two weeks (not all of them photographed, alas!):

• Emma Galloway’s dhal with roasted cauliflower on the side

• A rather epic apple crumble

• Lime and ginger loaf cake

• Sweet potato mac and cheese (veganised, which I think I now prefer to the original!)

• Curried pumpkin, lentil and cauliflower soup

• Vegetable cashew noodle stir fry (not dissimilar to this, just without tofu)

• Tofu and rice with satay sauce (also from Emma Galloway’s latest book)

• Vegan pizzas (still loving the mushroom, green olive and basil pesto combo)

• Deliciously Ella’s mushroom and walnut ragu

We also tucked into some of the vegan chocolate stash we brought back from the UK!

If you would like any of the recipes for the dishes above that I made up, including the nettle soup, do let me know and I will happily write them up…provided I wrote down what I did of course, haha!

Watching

We have seen quite a few films these past few weeks.

Three Thousand Years of Longing (at the cinema) - this was our anniversary treat, and as it was a rainy Thursday afternoon we (almost) had the entire cinema to ourselves. Anything with Tilda Swinton and Idris Elba in it is going to be good, am I right? This was just what I was in the mood for - a well-crafted and acted film with a big brain and surreal/fantastical elements. An accomplished, outwardly content but somewhat lonely scholar (Swinton) buys an artefact in an Istanbul bazaar while there on a conference (she is a narratologist). Back at her hotel room she cleans the artefact, and a Djinn (Elba) appears, offering her three wishes in exchange for his freedom. Anyone expecting a “adult version of Aladdin” as I saw the film referred to in some reviews might be disappointed. It’s actually a very intellectual (as well as visually stunning) exploration of what stories mean and what cultural functions they serve (as cautionary tales, to maintain the status quo, etc). It also examines the idea that unless love is given freely, it isn’t really love at all (in other words, you cannot wish for it). Visually arresting, ambitious in scope and very funny in places, it’s a wonderful film to escape into. I really loved it.

Jurassic World Dominion (4K Blu Ray) - Tommy’s choice, you’ll not be surprised to hear, haha! Getting the original cast back together for this film was the main attraction for me, as I imagine it was for many, and Jeff Goldblum delivers even the most mundane lines in his usual scene-stealing way. Especially when he says: “Jurassic World. Not a fan.” Hahaha! But overall, despite the dazzling animatronics and some genuinely terrifying moments, it wasn’t my favourite of the franchise. Good fun though!

The Flipside (DVD) - OMG, what a find this was. Tom had gone into JB Hifi to get Jurassic World and while I was waiting for him to find it, I spotted this. Reading the synopsis, I was immediately intrigued. An Australian film, set in Adelaide and the Barossa, with all the ingredients of a Phil film - comedy, romance, food and wine, road trips, missed chances, the complicated emotional lives of women. A no-brainer, frankly! The minute it started playing, I knew we were going to enjoy it. It was very charming, clever, well-acted and the right amount of quirky. It reminded me a lot of one of my all time favourite films, Sideways. And yes, we watched it while drinking a Barossan shiraz and a meal that included quite a few Maggie Beer products - I like to team the evening meal with the theme of our chosen film!

I’ve become a little obsessed with Marion Pilowsky’s (the director) back catalogue - she has a lot of very funny and clever short films available on Youtube. I really related to what Marion said about why she made The Flipside:

After working in London for many years I returned to my hometown of Adelaide to focus on writing and directing. In the beginning it really struck me how alien I felt after being away for so long. As I readjusted the vast differences in culture and mind-set between Europe and Australia, it gave me an idea for a story that I felt many could relate to - the visitors from hell. This is a film about finding your true home, love, sex, food and bloody good Shiraz, as well as being my own personal ode to Australia.

She’s pretty much described the sequel to The Latte Years (which may or may not be in the works)!

Honestly, nothing makes me happier than discovering a funny, well-written, truly enjoyable film - and the fact it was written and directed by an Australian woman is a wonderful bonus. From what I could tell it wasn’t particularly well reviewed and I can’t really understand why - I guess people just didn’t get it. But I got it wholeheartedly! I urge you, if you’re in Australia, to seek it out - I don’t think you’ll be disappointed. And Castle fans, you’ll spot a beloved actor from that film in this one and he uses profanity in exactly the same hilarious way. Let me know if you check it out!

Grateful for

Good health (well, the knowledge that a hacking cough is just that and it will pass). A loving husband and family. Friends who show they care. That I live somewhere safe and uncrowded, where the streets are so silent at night you would think you were the only person living there. A roof over my head, food on the table, clean water, a warm bed. The usual suspects!

As I think I’ve hinted at quite a bit in my This Week posts, 2022 has not been an easy year. But, in my stronger, more clear-headed moments, I like to think I have grown more resilient because of it, and I have also been shown that I have a choice where my energy goes. I cannot control how anyone else has chosen to behave but I can choose how much energy I give to things that are, at the end of the day, not actually about me at all. It’s so easy to get bogged down in dramas and doubts, but life is not a guarantee, it is a gift and should be lived with reverence for what matters most. “Be here now” is my most oft-repeated mantra in meditation and it does help ground me. I am truly grateful for all the moments of enlightenment, in whatever form they’ve come, that have led to greater awareness and resilience.

Quote of the week

“We are what we believe we are.” - C.S Lewis

If you’d like to share your thoughts on this post, or anything else, with me, please do! I hope you’re all keeping safe and well xx

this week

Tug of war with a very cute golden retriever!

Well, even with an alteration to my publishing schedule, I’m still a day late with my This Week post because this weekend just gone involved back-to-back social engagements which I don’t think has happened since…early 2020?! It felt like our first “normal” weekend in a very long time which was very strange (and tiring) but also lots and lots of fun.

Tom snapped the picture above on Saturday as we took a dear friend out for her 40th birthday and then had sunset drinks back at hers with her adorable dog, which made both Tom and I want one of our own very much. There might be a visit to the Hobart Dog’s Home very soon.

Much like last week, this one passed in a blur of work, deadlines and trying to dress appropriately for the weather, and not always succeeding. Not that I’m complaining about those beautiful late winter days that Hobart does so well, where the sky is so clear and blue it’s like glass, the sun is out but the air is still cool, and the gardens are a riot of pink, white and yellow blossoms. They are golden days, indeed.

Favourite experience/s of the week

Apart from spending time with friends and family, it would have to be printing out a full draft of my PhD novel, having literally cut and pasted and reorganised it into its relevant sections so I know where the gaps are, and feeling very excited that I might have hit on its title, at long last. Tom took a picture of me to mark the occasion!

There were many long days with the book this past week, days where I wrote 500 words but then deleted another 2000, which can be very disheartening. But the draft is slowly taking shape. It’s difficult but ultimately very satisfying work.

Reading

I finished an ARC of Cat Lady by Dawn O’Porter (coming out in October) which was, like all Dawn’s novels, compelling and hilarious but also perilously on the edge of disturbing in places. This novel is a really interesting deconstruction of the “cat lady” stereotype (and other stereotypes too) as well as an exploration of mental health, grief, trauma and abuse of power, as well as the powerful love and bond one can have with animals who, let’s face it, tend to love a bit more unconditionally than humans do. I really enjoyed it but did find myself absolutely cringing at one point, wondering how far Dawn was going to go with it! I do admire authors who are braver than I ever would be!

I also started reading a memoir, My Own Devices by Dessa, which I ordered from the US, and am adoring it so far. Deeply intelligent and thoughtful writing about life as a working musician as well as a woman who is curious about her parents, her upbringing, science, psychology, heartache, the search for happiness as well as the search for what is real. I believe she has a podcast too so I’ll be seeking that out!

Plus the usual PhD reading - my favourite was Spontaneous Particulars: The Telepathy of Archives by poet Susan Howe, which was a stunning exploration of what it is like to work with archives, how these dusty folders and piles of papers are in fact alive, full of stories and mysteries. She also captures the surprises, the chance encounters, and the occasional shocks one can have when working with an archive. It was a real inspiration for my exegetical work.

Amy Letter: Quitting Social Media Part One and Part Two - I recently discovered Amy and her work, and these posts on quitting social media were, I’m sure you won’t be surprised, deeply relevant and resonant for me!

Listening to

Inspired by my reading, I’ve been listening to a lot of Dessa and Amanda Palmer, as well as my usual writing and running music. Perhaps the musicians I’ve been drawn to this past week are also reflective of the fact that I’ve reached a point in my manuscript where my main character is - inasmuch as she could in 1820s Hobart Town - fighting back against prejudice and oppressive stereotypes and expectations, attempting to contextualise and give a voice to her pain and trauma. Reading Dessa’s memoir has made her music more meaningful for me, and I particularly identify with her saying that her work seems to have recurring themes, a persistent thread of sadness and heartache. I have found the same with my own body of work. I had thought after writing The Latte Years that I might be done with its themes, but no - they appear persistently in everything I write. I too seem destined to keep striking the same bell and I don’t think that’s a bad thing. I write to work through things, to understand and process them. Things I know so many other women have grappled with too - even women who lived 200 years ago. I think that’s one of my main drivers for my current novel, that a story of female resilience from colonial Australia can have so much resonance for women now…well, it certainly does for me.

Best Friend Therapy: Divorce - is it failure or evolution? How does it affect wider relationships? Is there a way to divorce well? I always enjoy this podcast and have listened to some episodes many times over, but this was probably the least resonant episode for me so far. I found that surprising, as I expected to relate hard to the subject matter but instead found it was all stuff I had dealt with a long time ago and didn’t feel the need to rake over again. Which is definitely a good thing! Listening to this episode made me feel very grateful, and not for the first time, that if getting divorced was a life experience I was always destined to have, that it happened to me in my twenties. It was painful enough when the whole relationship had been relatively short; from what I can tell it’s even harder when you’ve been together for decades and have all of the collateral that a shared life of that length entails. The emotional pain of a marriage breakdown, even when you know it’s for the best, is not something I’d wish on anyone but I hope that the stories I’ve shared over the years prove that you can thrive on the other side of it.

The First Time: Kate and Katherine catch up + featured book, Denizen by James McKenzie Watson I always enjoy this podcast and now that I’m not on social media anymore, I like to listen to their catch-up episodes as well to find out what these two very interesting and lovely-sounding writers get up to and are inspired by.

WILD with Sarah Wilson: Mark O’Connell, meet the apocalypse preppers - far out, this was an eye-opener! I found the discussion about how the world’s super-rich are buying up land in New Zealand to escape the apocalypse could be viewed as a second wave of colonialism very, very interesting and noted many parallels with what I’ve observed happening in Tasmania since the start of the pandemic.

Wellness Unpacked with Ella Mills (formerly the Deliciously Ella podcast): How to change habits, taking life off hold and mindful eating with Shahroo Izadi - I loved this interview. Shahroo is fantastic - her first interview with Ella a few years ago was one of my favourites of the earlier seasons and she’s yet again right on the money with her observations and advice. Really inspiring and a great listen.

Eating

Gosh, this is always a long section isn’t it? How un-shocking! Once more, it was a case of cooking up on Sunday and eating the results for most of the week though there were a few surprises in there too. No baking this week, though I had plenty of last week’s lime and ginger cake and the week before’s vegan gingerbread to nibble at. I’ve been reading a wonderful vegan baking book and am keen to try a few of the recipes.

Friday’s lunch - vegetables, chickpeas and noodles which tasted so incredible!

Sunday: Minestrone soup

Monday: We had our friend Jack over for dinner and I made a couple of vegan curries - a simple potato one and a dal makhani (based on Dishoom’s recipe for their house black dal, though to be honest I mostly looked at the back of the packet of dal makhani spices I bought from a specialist spice shop in Moonah!), which we had with rice, spicy apple chutney I made last autumn and flatbreads. It was quite a feast! I can’t believe I didn’t take any photos…but that’s what being off social media does to you, haha!

Tuesday: Tofu fried rice (to use up the leftover rice)

Wednesday: Potato curry

Thursday: Gnocchi with pesto, rocket and aged walnut cheese that all needed using up - delicious!

Friday: Broccoli miso pasta (OMG this was amazing and I will totally be writing up the recipe)

Broccoli miso pasta. So divinely creamy and indulgent, I found it hard to believe it was vegan!

Saturday: Homemade pizza - which we hadn’t had in SO long and I am definitely bringing back!

Lunch out at Frogmore Creek on Saturday. Arancini balls - but the apple and fennel salad in the middle was the real star of the show!

Sunday: Leftover homemade pizza!

But I was most impressed with lunches this week as well - particularly Friday’s where, craving something green and wholesome, I cooked some green vegetables with a can of chickpeas, added them to some rice vermicelli noodles, dressed the whole lot with soy and chilli, and scattered the top with pumpkin seeds. So nourishing and delicious!

We also had a lovely meal out on Saturday at Frogmore Creek, a winery about half an hour away, one of our favourite places.

Drinking

We had some very nice wines on Saturday and I also had some whisky for the first time all year! I felt I couldn’t really get to the end of winter without indulging at least once. I had missed that delicious burn in the throat.

During the day it’s been tea, tea and more tea - chai, Bengal spice, and ginger mostly. Anything warming.

Picking

The usual suspects - celery, chard and perpetual spinach - but this week we noticed the rhubarb is back! I’m not sure if I can pick it to eat this year or whether I have to wait another year (I planted it last year) but it looks very robust and healthy. I’m quite excited for spring planting now - just need to dig some more compost in and my beds will be good to go.

Watching

The usual suspects, though we’re now on to The Thick of It as well as our current favourites. We haven't quite had the headspace for films (well, I’m speaking for myself here - Tom always has the headspace for films!) of an evening after the long days we’ve had, so something hilarious has been just the ticket.

Wearing

My coat, scarf and hat for half the week, and then not!

A gorgeous comfy red floral dress I bought from Seasalt Cornwall, my favourite UK clothing brand, when we were there a few months ago. I can’t find a link to it, it would appear the seasons have definitely changed now!

Grateful for

My husband, my family, caring friends, my good health - the usual suspects!

Quote of the week

“No need to hurry. No need to sparkle. No need to be anybody but oneself.” - Virginia Woolf

If you’d like to share your thoughts on this post, or anything else, with me, please do! I hope you’re also finding things to savour and ponder, that give you joy and nourishment xx